Day One
The sober diaries: starting again.
Two years ago, I took a long hard look at my relationship with alcohol. I decide to give myself a year off from drinking. That lasted 6 months. I had decided my relationship with drinking had gone to a place where I could maintain myself and be more proactive with my boundaries and stop myself from becoming a fool. For the most part this has been true. But after the last couple of months, I see myself dropping down that rabbit hole once again.
One of the big things to recognize is: I am no longer 20. This is not a cute look. Getting black out drunk and inappropriate with friends is funny the first time, entertaining the second and redundant the third. I want to be clear, this change or adjustment is my own decision. I want to do this. I want to learn how to hang out with out alcohol, go to dinner with out a glass of wine, hang out with friends with out white claw or liquor, and be surrounded by people with out a buzz. I also notice with age that a “beer gut” and “dad bod” are two very different things, and neither of them looks well on me.
When I chose to do this the first time. I started to create the sober diaries. I would just open a note page on my laptop and do some journaling for the day. This was a way to hold my self accountable. But, as time went on, I was less and less strict with myself. I gave my self breaks, or told my self, its ok if you don’t write today, you’re the only one reading it after all. So, Im changing it up. This time around I will journal here. I will share my day to day thoughts, and feelings in a public place where people can communicate and respond. And they can hold me responsible as well. My life in its current state is the perfect blend of test and chance that today is a great first day. With out further ado, heres today in a snap shot.
As it is already 1pm, I can comfortably say there are 7 business days left in my Floridian lifestyle. On January 29th at 2 am I make the multi day journey to Portland Oregon. I am both nervous, anxious, excited, and terrified. Terrified because it will be the first time that I am moving with out a job waiting for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe it will take me too long to get set up, but the idea of doing something like this with out any safety net is terrifying. I also am in the final stages of launching my first application. My team an I have been crunching hard for the last couple of weeks to get this program out so that I can work part time on the weekends at my current job remotely to do data entry and help with any bugs, and probably training as well. Regardless, it’s the beginning steps into the business starting to be fruitful. Its both exciting and exhausting at the same time trying to juggle everything at once.
Between my day job, and the business, packing up my life, throwing away what no longer sparks joy, and holding onto what does. Add a little bit of sadness with leaving behind the life I have created here, the dog I love, the friends I love, its been a test. I told myself that since I am starting fresh, I am going to also make some lifestyle changes. Eating healthier, going to the gym, being more active, getting out of the house and away from the tv, shut off social media, be more conscious of my surroundings and how I fit into them. Which is why I am tackling alcohol as well. Alcohol makes me slow, sluggish and waste an entire day recovering from what ever escapades I get into the night before. It’s no longer conducive with the life I want to live. I am telling myself I need to be the type of person I would want to marry. Thats a lot of self reflection, and work. I want to be more physically attractive to myself. I want to be proud of my progress and the things I have done. I have plenty of goals I want to get accomplished before I no longer have trips around the sun. And I also want to prepare for the future.
Ive been writing a novel. It’s a goal of mine to get it completed within the year. I would also like to publish my second book of poetry. Ive been threatening it for the last few months and should just go a head and get it done. I want to learn french, and finish all of the udemy courses I have. My, this is turning into quite the list of goals instead of a strong introspective piece but, it is what it is. Maybe thats the time to put this down for now.
I may write more later today. For now, heres a good start at the way my mind works, wanders, changes, thinks, and processes. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the ride….
